Perfectionism, Anxiety, and Overthinking: How to Quiet a Busy Mind

If you replay conversations long after they’re over, double-check things you already know are fine, or feel like your brain never really shuts off — you’re not broken. You’re not “too much.” And you’re definitely not alone.

Many of the people I work with are thoughtful, capable, and deeply conscientious. Their minds are sharp. They notice details others miss. They care — a lot.

And yet… that same mind can become exhausting.

Overthinking doesn’t usually feel like panic. It often feels like vigilance. Monitoring. Running mental simulations just in case something goes wrong. On the outside, it can look like competence. Inside, it can feel like constant pressure.

If that sounds familiar, here are a few ways to start working with your mind instead of fighting it.

When Writing Things Down Actually Helps (and When It Doesn’t)

If your thoughts feel tangled or loud, getting them out of your head can help — not to “fix” them, but to see them more clearly.

This isn’t about journaling perfectly or finding the right insight. It’s about creating a little space between you and the noise.

Try this:
Set a timer for 5–10 minutes and write whatever is looping in your mind. No organizing. No correcting. Just emptying the buffer.

When you’re done, look for patterns — not answers.
Are you worried about disappointing someone?
About being misunderstood?
About missing something important?

Often, overthinking isn’t about the situation at all. It’s about what’s at stake emotionally.

Many people notice that once the fear underneath is named, the thoughts lose some of their urgency.

The Inner Critic Isn’t Random — It’s Protective

Overthinking is rarely just “negative thinking.” It’s often driven by a very specific internal voice — one that believes staying on high alert will keep you safe.

This is where cognitive work can help, if it’s done gently.

Instead of asking, “Is this thought irrational?” try:

What is this thought trying to prevent?

For example:
“If I messed that up, they’ll lose respect for me.”

When you slow it down, there’s often a deeper concern underneath — rejection, conflict, or being seen as a burden.

You don’t need to argue with that voice. You need to understand it.

From there, you can offer a more grounded response:
“I can care about doing things well without assuming one moment defines me.”

Working With Parts of You That Feel On Edge

Many perfectionists have different “parts” inside them — one that pushes, one that worries, one that criticizes, and often one that’s exhausted by all of it.

When overthinking shows up, try asking:

Which part of me is activated right now?

You might notice a part that’s afraid of making a mistake or being judged. Instead of pushing it away, acknowledge it:
“I see how hard you’re trying to protect me.”

This kind of internal acknowledgment can be surprisingly regulating. It shifts you out of self-attack and into self-leadership.
Marcela noticed her inner critic constantly judging her work. By checking in with this part, she realized it was trying to protect her from failure. She reassured it by saying, I appreciate your concern, but I trust my abilities and will address any issues if they arise. This practice helped her reduce the intensity of her overthinking.

Zooming Out Without Dismissing Yourself

Perspective can help — but only if it doesn’t turn into minimizing your feelings.

Rather than “This doesn’t matter,” try:

• Will this still feel this intense later?

• What does this situation touch emotionally?

• How does this fit into the bigger picture of who I am and what I value?

Overthinking narrows your focus. Zooming out isn’t about telling yourself to calm down — it’s about remembering that one moment doesn’t define your worth, your competence, or your future.

A Final Word

Overthinking isn’t a flaw. It’s usually a sign that your nervous system learned to stay alert because, at some point, that felt necessary.

You don’t have to eliminate that part of you to feel better.
You don’t have to push harder.
And you don’t have to have everything figured out.

With the right support, it’s possible to feel steadier inside — less monitored, less pressured, and more at ease in your own mind.

If perfectionism, chronic overthinking, or high-functioning anxiety are wearing you down, therapy can help. I work with people who are capable on the outside and overwhelmed on the inside — and who are ready for something gentler and more sustainable.

You don’t have to do this alone.